Clients & Quotes

1. Why did you create Face the Music?

We wanted to create an extraordinary way for people in business to get out of their heads and go beyond their complaints, gripes and grumbles. We wanted to have more fun. We wanted to see what happens when three men follow an idea into the places where it leads them. We wanted to take a bold next step into our future. We wanted to serve, empower and entertain. We wanted to make a joyful noise. We wanted to reinvent the way we earn an honest living. We wanted to invent a new kind of transformational experience that would be accessible to the masses. We wanted to create Face the Music for the same reason anybody-- artist, poet, builder, inventor, entrepreneur, farmer, scientist, teacher, child, or chipmaker-- creates anything. For the sheer love of it.

2. What results can we expect from an FTM event?

It depends on what options you choose. Our standard, 2+ hour session gets people out of their heads, freer of complaint, lighter on their feet, more intuitive, friskier, energized, collaborative, experimental and generally getting beyond some old habits of blaming others (or the organization) for their woes. While we can't guarantee that everybody who attends an FTM event is going to become a fully enlightened human being who grows the bottom line by 3,000 %, we can tell you that mostly everyone who attends will end up being a lot more present than usual at the rest of your conference.

3. How interactive does it get?

As interactive as you want it to get. People, in small teams, write original blues songs. They also rehearse together to prepare for their live performances. In addition, they receive real time coaching from our wandering minstrel blues coaches. Beyond that, the audience gets many chances to interact with our MC and musicians, resulting in lots of spontaneous networking, teambuilding, schmoozing, debriefing, laughter, sidetalk, and self-paced exercises that get people into a whole new way of being vital contributors to your conference.

4. What if we want FTM, but don't want the 2+ hour interactive version?

No problema. We can morph our presentation into a series of shorter modules, so you can get the full effect, but over a longer period of time. Or we can totally punt on the interactive stuff and perform our parody business blues songs at whatever intervals make sense to you. OR, we can write a set of original songs custom tailored for your company. If you like, think of yourselves as the Dukes of Normandy and us as a very talented band of Blues Mozarts. For a full list of FTM options, click here.

5. Why do you call it "FTM"?

Because that's what happens. People "face the music." People take an honest look at what's happening in their lives-- especially in the workplace.

6. What do you mean when you say FTM is a "business simulation"?

We've consciously designed FTM to be an adult learning experience. Here's our premise: The very same competencies and mindset required for people to write and perform a blues song in a room full of others under tight time constraints and unpredictable working conditions are the very same competencies and mindset required for people to succeed in today's whackadoo business world. In another words, if people are open to learning about themselves at an FTM session-- how they create, communicate, collaborate, process information, ask for help, take risks, challenge the status quo, use available resources, receive coaching, perform under pressure, manage time, themselves and each other-- they will.

7. How do you actually get people to sing in public?

Have you heard of the HemiSynch Wechselblatt Method, originated in early 19th century Germany? OK. Neither have we. Our strategy to get people to sing in public is basically a blend of well-timed instructions, humor, good instincts, years of experience, large group facilitation skill, , story telling, cheerleading, behavior modeling, blues singing, room design, improv, prayer and some non-threatening schmoozing with the audience. The FTM band also doubles as coaches, so when its time for the audience to write and rehearse their own blues songs, they have the kind of real time committed support that gives them a extra jolt of skill and confidence. (If worse comes to worse, we get our MC to sing. After a few off key notes, the audience quickly gets that they don't have to be Grammy Award winning singers to get up on stage.)

8. Who are the principals of FTM?

Mitch "Blind Willy Nilly" Ditkoff, Paul "South Bend Slim" Kwiecinski, and Ken "Dr. Swing" McGloin.

9. Who are some of FTM's previous clients?

General Mills, Lend Lease, GE Industrial Systems, Pfizer, Panasonic, Aventis, Automated Data Processing, Con Edison, Orange and Rockland Utilities, Ernst & Young, National Paddlesports Association, The Innovation Network, Brodeur, New York State Health Care Providers, Albany Health Associates, The River Network, FIS (Food Ingredient Services), and GE Crotonville,

10. Where do deer sleep at night?

Although our collective gardens and flower beds have been routinely devoured by several generations of Ulster County deer, we actually have never seen deer sleep. Our best guess is that deer never sleep, content to simply bound on over to the next available garden-- once they're done with ours-- and continue their obsessive chowing down process. Sure, you sometimes see a deer laying down by the side of a road (or even smack dab in the middle of the road), but it's our guess that the deer in question have simply fallen down from overeating-- and aren't actually sleeping.

11. Can FTM double as a dance band?

Yes, we can double as a dance band. Of course we can double as a dance band. Did you think the only kind of music we could play was the blues? By the way, if your other presenters don't show up (or have been mysteriously secreted away to an FTM mountain hideaway), we can also double as your conference facilitators, key note speakers, large group team challenge maestros, juggling teachers, brainstorm leaders, coaches, concurrent session mavens or the handy dandy people to blame just in case your entire conference goes down the tubes and its YOUR neck on the line. (By the way, wouldn't that make a great blues song: "I woke up this morning and found out my conference stank/ Yes, I woke up this morning and found out my conference stank/ Found several people I gotta blame, but not a single soul to thank.")

12. What is the best "time slot" for the standard FTM event?

After dinner, first night. Second best is after dinner, second night. Third best? Let's see... how about an afternoon? Or if your conference is afternoonless, morning would be fine (although if you want us to perform in the morning, our fee will be slightly higher and you will have to wear sunglasses at all times. NOTE: Anyone found wearing a beeper, pager, or cell phone during an FTM session will be locked in one of those really tacky, hotel conference rooms with overinflated names like "The Ambassador" or "Oakcrest" and will not be released until they write a really good blues song they'd be willing to sing to the rest of the company.

13. What value can FTM add to an Award Ceremony?

What's the hippest way to say "huge" these days? Is it "mega?" "Gigundo?" "Gigante?" Suffice it to say, FTM adds more value to an Award Ceremony than your standard in-house speechwriter, no matter how skillful and terrific he or she is. Bottom line, we can transform your average, pleasant, okie dokie, traditional, no great shakes awards ceremony into a large Chevy Camaro. A red one. Like how about this: Every so often just before someone in your company is given yet another "Circle of Excellence Award" we sing a custom blues song about that person and their curious work habits, attitudes and complaints (which we learned about just a couple of weeks before from a few well placed phone calls to Mr. or Ms. Circle of Excellence's co-workers, direct reports or boss.

14. What is FTM's relationship to Idea Champions and MetaSystem Consulting Group?

Friendly. Two of FTM's core team members also have day jobs as corporate consultants. The name of their businesses are Idea Champions and MetaSystem Consulting Group.

15. What are the origins of FTM? How did you get the idea?

The origins of FTM pre-date Adam and Eve, when neither male nor female existed, before duality, time, space, pasta or the internet. Back then, two separate, but relatively equal intuitions collided. South Bend Slim, at that "time," was in the habit of getting odd groups of non musical people together-- in odd settings-- to spontaneously sing the blues. A master of the Zen moment, all he needed was an air guitar to get things going. Didn't matter where it was. Wherever there was someone with a complaint or a too handy excuse, there was South Bend Slim with "the look" and the air guitar strum-- both elegantly synchronized to give the hapless complainer of the moment ample permission to "tell it like it is." In a parallel universe, Blind Willy Nilly was out on the town with his divine wife, Evelyne, listening to Ernie and the Wildcats, a local blues band, when sometime during the third song, eureka! the light went on. After 18 years of trying to get people in corporations "out of the box," it finally dawned on him that all his clients had the blues. And THAT was one of the BIG reasons they couldn't access their brilliance. Overly consumed with focusing on the negative, they had very little attention left to invoke genius, breakthroughs or just a couple of good ideas. Realizing he couldn't create a revolution on his own, he called South Bend Slim and Deaf Lemon Meringue. The three of them met. The three of them laughed. The three of them committed. The rest is history.

16. OK. Signing the blues is a nice way to ventilate and have fun yada yada yada, but how do you get people to go beyond the blues?

Consider this: If psychotherapists, family counselors, ministers, rabbis, school psychologists, psychics, executive coaches, numerologists, economists, teachers, overpriced consultants, keynote speakers, and gurus since the beginning of time haven't yet succeeded in getting more than a handful of people on this planet to permanently go beyond their blues, what makes you think FTM can do it in a couple of hours? Please allow us to lower your expectations for a moment. Just because we're a tad more expensive than the folks you brought in last year doesn't mean we have the magic pill. There is no magic pill. Nevertheless, we DO guarantee that we will do everything in our power to make our contribution to your conference as vital, results driven, and honorable as humanly possible.

17. Is it true that Bill Gates sang a cover of your "Email Blues" at the launch party for Microsoft Window's 2000?

Actually, no, though the aforementioned Mr. Gates is referred to in the first verse of "Email Blues," which, by the way, is the fifth cut on our new CD (which can be ordered now by clicking here for the low, low price of $15, not including shipping and handling.)

18. I'd like to buy copies of the FTM CD for members of our senior management team-- or better yet, a selection of our customers-- but I really don't have the time to mail them out? What do you suggest?

Email us the names and addresses of your intended CD recipients. As soon as we receive payment, we'll ship. Allow 2-3 weeks for delivery.

19. What kind of conference "takeaways" do you offer?

Have we told you in the last few minutes that we recently released our first CD? So there you have it-- the perfect conference takeaway. Fits handily into carry on luggage. Relatively unbreakable. High quality. Inexpensive. Easy to share with others unable to attend the conference.

20. What is your process for writing a custom blues song about our company, department, or team?

First we put our two feet close up tight. Then we swing them to the left and swing them to the right. Now that our personal blues feng shui has been established, we interview you and a few others in your organization (over the phone). You talk. We listen. Then we write a first draft. Then we send you the lyrics. You give us feedback. Then we finish the song, write the music, and rehearse it.

21. How much lead time do you need to do an FTM event?

The more time the better. But we could do something tomorrow if we had to.

22. How many members of FTM are there? And who are they?

There's three of us on the core team: Paul Kwiecinski, Ken McGloin and Mitch Ditkoff. There's another 10 musicians (i.e. Mindy Jostyn, Ken McGloin, T. Xiques, Pat Thorney, Warren Bernhardt, South Side Denny, Ian Fridrych, Dean Sharpe) who gig with us depending on schedules, conference location and other kinds of X factors that only Stephen Hawking and working musicians know about. Click here for bios of the players.

23. Do you perform internationally?

Oui. (But we charge an extra $2,500 per travel day).

24. How much does an FTM session cost?

It depends on a wide range of variables: size of the audience, number of days you want us on-site, number of custom blues songs you want us to write and perform, what size band we bring, whether or not you want to engage our services as a dance band after FTM, number of CDs ordered, and how much we really need the work. Once we know the specifics, we'll be happy to bid on the job within 24 hours.

25. How large of an audience can participate in an FTM event?

4 billion. Or however many people are on the planet at the time. We're guessing that with live video feeds, the internet, and some luck, we might be able to cover everyone on the same night-- so we can get on to our next incarnation which will be a blend of gospel, corporate musical, and The Matrix.

26. How do you get the musically challenged to write a blues song in 20 minutes?

Hey, John Tesh filled Carnegie Hall. How hard could it be?

27. What are your staging and sound equipment requirements?

Just what you might expect. We need a stage, sound equipment and appropriate lighting. The bigger the room, the more important this is. Most hotel conference and AV crews will be right on the spot. We'll work out the details with them and get back to you. Estimated rental costs? Somewhere between $750 and $2,500.

28. What famous musicians have FTM band members gigged with?

John Cougar Mellancamp, James Taylor, Kate Taylor, The Hooters, Warren Bernhardt, Bo Diddly, Carly Simon, Steve Gorm, Amit Chaterjee, and John Berenzy.

29. What are the names of sonme of your original songs?

• 24/7
• Buzz Word Blues
• Overcommitted Blues
• Cycle Time
• Email Blues
• Seat Back Table
• Non Specific Blues
• Glass Ceiling
• Call Me, Beep Me, Page Me (originally: Busyness Communication Blues)
• Acronym Blues
• Global Business
• I Got a Mind to Give Up Working
• Vasectomy
• I Got My Modem Working
• Ecommerce Blues
• Gotta Have a Process
• Y2K Blues
• I Got Not Blues Blues
• I Think I Know Why They Call It the Blues
• In Big Trouble
• Funky Wardrobe Blues
• Downsized Twice Since Friday
• E Everything
• It's Hard to Write a Blues Song in Jamaica

30. Do you play weddings and bar mitzvahs?

Make us an offer we can't refuse.

31. What else does FTM stand for?

Frequently Transformed Mensches

32. In high school, were any of you scared of things going on your "permanent record?"

Occasionally. But we're over it now.

33. What gives you the right to sing the blues?

The same thing that gives you the right to ask that question. If you can't figure it out, don't invite us.

34. How can I observe an FTM event so I can decide if you guys are the real deal?

Please contact us. We would be happy to arrange for you to visit one of our events. After determining a mutually convenient date, we will check with our client and see if he/she is OK with you observing.

35. What is your pre conference consulting process?

You commit. We send you a contract. You sign. We sign. We call you to set up a time to interview you and a few others about your company's blues. We write the song(s) and email them to you for review. At about the same time, you inform us on all the nuances of your conference so we are able to work out our logistical needs with the facility. Of course, don't forget the inevitable calls and emails when you get anxious or think we need another important piece of information in order to succeed. (Sometimes, depending on the location of your event and our schedule, we'll conduct a site visit and/or meet with you and your team in person). In other words, we do whatever it takes to make YOU absolutely comfortable with FTM... and whatever it takes US to feel like we are almost completely prepared.

36. What should I tell participants about FTM, pre conference?

You decide. We are aware of at least three schools of thought: The first school is committed to not saying much of anything. Either these folks love mystery and spontaneity OR they are so swamped with other things that they don't take the time to properly introduce FTM to their company. The Second School of Thought provides just enough information to soothe the savage beast. "Corporate Blues Night," they might advertise, or "Blue Note Café" or "Face the Music." The Third School of Thought-- let's call these guys "The Literalatti"-- leave very little unsaid. Either they adapt FTM's existing promo copy or they write something they think is catchier. Our experience? No matter what approach you take, there will be many people in your organization thinking you should have done it another way.

37. After our FTM event, how can we relive the experience?

At FaceTheMusicBlues.com, of course. Say the word (and pay the nominal set up fee) and we'll create a password protected "meeting room" on our web site. Type in your secret decoder ring password and find yourself cyberspacially able to access RealAudio clips of the songs your teams sang, digital photos of your event, all lyrics, and a selection of soundbytes from participants. (Hey, stop wasting your time on our web site. Get back to work!)

38. How do we qualify for bulk discounts of the FTM CD?

If you can read this sentence you qualify. Our CD costs $15. Bulk discounts begin when you buy 50 or more. If you buy 1,000, the cost comes tumbling down to $8.99 each. What a deal.

39. Is it possible to get a custom CD of the songs we write and sing at our event?

Yes. We'll record your songs, edit and master the recording, create custom cover art and liner notes, then press as many CDs as you want. They make great conference takeaways.

40. In what ways can our company's "closet musicians" become part of the FTM band for a night?

Tell us who they are ahead of time and we'll find a way to work them into the show.

41. What if we have only a small amount of people for our offsite? Will FTM still perform for 30 or less?

Yes. We'll play for one person if the price is right (or if we really, really like the person). Usually, when the audience is 30 or less we don't bring our full band, but send a mini band instead. Maybe a trio.

42. Is it true that South Bend Slim once ran for congressman in Indiana?

Absolutely. His slogan was "I may not be the right man for the job, but at least I'm a man." As we hear it, he got 8% of the vote. Mostly protesters and people who pulled the wrong lever.

43. Won't a "blues evening" turn into some kind of "bitch and moan" session that will get out of hand and set the wrong tone for our conference?

No.

44. Could you be more specific?

Yes.

45. I mean, like, really specific?

No FTM event ever devolves into an out of control "bitch and moan" session. That would be really dumb. First of all, can you imagine what it would be like for us-- again and again-- to have to listen to everyone's litany of complaints? Oy vey. But even more importantly, it wouldn't serve the ultimate goals of your conference. Yes, we create an opportunity for people to let off steam in a creative way. But no, we do not let it get out of control. The goal, after all, is for people to begin the process of going beyond their blues, not uncontrollably dwell on them and bring everyone else down. For those of you who believe in the concept of "alternative medicine," think of it like this: FTM gives people a homeopathic dose of the blues-- just enough to turn dis-ease into ease.

46. In addition to the FTM music, how else can we create the "blues mood" for an FTM evening?

Find some inspired, creative volunteers who have never been members of a local militia and ask them to brainstorm how to turn a boring hotel ball room in to a faux blues club. Don't forget to give them a budget and to get out of their way. (If they're hurting for ideas, feel free to suggest a "bouncer" at the door (with a guest list), blues lighting, sunglasses and hats, cocktail tables with tablecloths and candles, mood music, an open bar, casual dress and a selection of FTM interactive blues wall charts.

47. Won't it be difficult for our audience to understand the words to the songs we write and sing? After all, none of our performers are professional and are likely to garble their words.

Yup. That's why we ask each song writing team to clearly PRINT the lyrics to their songs on an overhead tranparency so we can project their words for everyone else to see. When possible, we have teams transcribe their lyrics into PowerPoint so we can all continue to be members in good standing of the Holy Order of PowerPoint Projection Users.

48. What roles does the FTM band play when the audience is writing and rehearsing their blues songs?

Song writing coaches. Music teachers. Just-in-time collaborators. Confidence builders. Cheerleaders. Wordsmiths. Keepers of the flame. Performance coaches.

49. What kind of discount can we expect from FTM if we book you into a non-Floridian tropical climate during the months of December, January or February?

10%. (But we must have your deposit no later than November 1.)

50. How much administrative and logistical support will you need from us and the hotel?

We'll let you know at least two weeks before your event.

51. Is it true the Blind Willy Nilly once got a job as a short order cook on Martha's Vineyard with absolutely no experience?

Yes, indeed. Bluffed his way into it, with the help of his friend, the baker. Stayed up until 3:00 AM the night before getting a crash course in cooking from his girlfriend. Wrote lots of notes to himself on index cards. Did great. Except he never figured out how to make poached eggs. Two weeks into the experience, a customer made him a chef's hat which somehow made his faux Eastern European accent sound even more impressive every time he was rousted from the kitchen and asked to give the recipe for his grandmother's Mediterranean Egg Drop Lemon soup.

52. How do I get in touch with the FTM fan club?

Fan club?

53. What's this I hear about the FTM IPO?

Some very committed Silicon Valley entrepreneurs have been talking to us about writing a monster business plan that would be so global in nature, so inspired, so ultimately IPOish, that a select number of leading edge visionaries couldn't help but come forward and underwrite our entire financial future. (Apparently, we are told, it's still possible to get in on the ground floor. Contact Fast Eddie Friedlander for more info).

54. What are your protocols for getting paid?

We require a 50% deposit in order to officially hold dates. We will, of course, hold dates for you upon request, but we cannot guarantee those dates until we receive your deposit. The balance of our fee is due on the night of our performance. (Whenever bills are outstanding for more than 30 days we call our good friend, Vinny, to contact your accounts receivable department.)

55. How customizable is FTM?

Very. There are no limits other than what time, money and our collective imaginations will allow. We are constantly learning from our clients about what FTM is and can be-- and we are willing to try just about anything once.

56. What does a blues band know about big business and corporate cultures?

Your average blues band? Not much. But Face the Music is NOT an average blues band. To begin with, two of its three principals have been consulting with corporations in a variety of capacities for the past 15 years. They've designed and facilitated a wide spectrum of consulting and training interventions, including team development sessions, large scale conferences, creative thinking trainings, product development sessions, conflict resolution workouts, keynote presentations, executive coaching sessions, strategic planning retreats, and company-wide visioning meetings. Their clients have included: AT&T, Lucent Technologies, GE, MTV Networks, Chicago Board of Trade, PriceWaterhouseCoopers, Ernst & Young, Matsushita, Champion International, Dominos, Kraft Foods, Aventis, Accor International, Olin Corporation, A&E Television, Banc One, Con Edison, Houston Lighting & Power, European American Bank, Coca Cola and ADP.

57. Our attendees are fairly risk averse. How are you going to engage them to get out of their comfort zones?

That's why you pay us the big bucks. If you absolutely need to read a play by play account of how we do it, click here. But please understand that the part of you that doesn't quite trust us yet and is needing more and more information before you can decide to bring us in, is the very same thing that is causing a lot of the people who report to you to have a noticeable case of the blues.

58. Can we request specific songs from the FTM playlist?

Absolutely. To figure out which of our songs to request, listen to our CD or the the RealAudio sound samples on this web site. It may also be useful to read the lyrics to our songs.

59. Has BB King ever played with FTM? John Lee Hooker? Robert Cray? Etta James??

No. No. No. No.

60. What other, non-musical jobs have FTM band members had?

Dish washer, mason tender, social worker, cook, free lance writer, day care teacher, instructional designer, innovation consultant, business owner, gardener, house painter, brainstorm facilitator, nursing unit manager, executive coach, newpaper editor, assembly line manager, carpenter, and electrician.

61. What was Muddy Waters real name?

McKinley Morganfield

62. Can we get a video of our FTM event?

Yes. You can film it yourself (as long as we get a copy and the rights to use selected clips in forthcoming marketing materials). OR you can hire FTM's videographer. Once we're clear on the product you want, we'll be happy to quote you a price.

63. What is the official name of your band? Fast Track Freddie and the Workforce OR The Face the Music Blues Band?

We respond to both. Just don't call us late to dinner. (PS: We are more than willing to change our name each time we perform). so if you think of a name for us that would be more suitable for your event, lay it on us. The worse that can happen is we refuse and think you are hopelessly uncreative.

64. How can FTM's musicians provide enough blues writing coaching for very large audiences? If there's only six of you and 500 of us, I don't see how you can coach every songwriting group...

Very astute observation. For groups of 100 or more, we like to meet with volunteers before the session and coach them on how to coach others to write and perform original blues songs. Ideally, the volunteer coaches you supply us with will be: musically savvy, comfortable with improv, energetic, quick studies, good communicators, and easy to work with. Should your conference be large enough to require volunteer coaches, we'll ask you for a list of candidates (and their email addresses) at least three weeks before the event.

65. What's the sound of one hand clapping?

66. How can I get a list of the phone numbers of FTM's past clients so I can call them and find out if FTM is as good as you say it is?

Email your request to info@FaceTheMusicBlues.com. We'll give you some of our past client's phone numbers-- assuming they have not yet been swamped by requests for phone testimonies. If they have been, we'll fax you a sampling of reference letters or else you can click on FTM Testimonies.

67. I don't think I can sell the FTM concept to my boss, but I have a friend in another company who would be a good lead for you. Um--er--uh do I qualify for a finder's fee or sales commission?

Yes. We pay a 5% finder's fee and a 10% sales commission. You get the finder's fee when you give us a lead that we turn into a sale. You get the sales commission if you've done most of the work and all we have to do is provide some back up and send a contract.

68. Is it true that you donate 3% of your gross revenues to charity?

Well, we usually don't like to call attention to the kind of selfless, egoless work we do to help people all over the world lead a better life. We like to keep it low key. So please, don't tell anybody about our big-hearted charitable contributions. We really don't want lots of people to know how selfless and egoless we are. If word gets out, there'll be a whole lot more press and media coverage about how egoless and selfless we are-- which will just create more pressure for us to be role models for entrepreneurs and blues bands world wide.

69. How old are the children of FTM band members?

3, 3, 4, 5, 7, 11, 11, 18, 22, 25

70. Does FTM ever perform for non-corporate clients?

Yes. Governments, universities, trade associations and non-profits are all welcome to contact us. Twice a year we do pro-bono events, so feel free to make your pitch. But please remember, FTM is not a hobby, it's a business. And though we all love our work, we need to earn enough from our efforts to stay in the game.

71. What were the results from the gig you did for the Arab/Israeli Peace Coalition?

We've never performed for the Arab/Israeli Peace Coalition. At least, we don't remember it.

72. Has FTM ever performed on other planets?

What do you mean by "other?" Other than what?

73. How much wood would a wood chuck chuck if a wood chuck could chuck wood?

How would we know? We have no Chucks in the band. And even if we could, we don't think we would.

74. What do you guys think of 14th Century Zen Master Huang Po's doctrine of "no nothingness"?

Highly overrated. First of all, when anything becomes a "doctrine" it's lost some of its original shine to us. Second of all, in a non-dualistic universe, there is no first of all. Thirdly, "nothingness" neither "is" nor "is not"-- which makes any attempt to say "something" about it either a pathetic show of academic knowledge or a misguided spiritual attempt to gain favor with one's Zen Master. In either case, you lose, which is actually the point of all this, anyway. Because when you lose, you win (as long as you subscribe to the non dualistic notion that real winning means letting go of the there being anything to win or lose). And so having lost, you either write a blues song OR you return to the monastery for another 10 years until you stop worrying about winning and losing. Next question, please.

75. Imagine FTM really takes off and you guys become multi-millionaires, what then?

We live in the eternal present. The future does not exist. Nor does the past. The only thing that exists is you sending us a 50% deposit on the FTM event you are just about to book.

76. Do any kind of ego battles go on behind the scenes at FTM?

Sure. We're business partners, not saints. In no particular order our ego battles are usually about control, strategy, trust, money, broken commitments, paradigms, business models, travel arrangements, band personnel, stagecraft, stock ownership, perceptions of right and wrong, receipts, and whether or not it is a good idea to include questions like this on our FAQ.

77. When are you going to grow up?

What do you mean by "up"?

78. How big is the FTM band?

South Bend Slim is the biggest at 6'5". Mindy is about 5'5". Everyone else is somewhere in between.

79. What's this we hear about no blue M&Ms in your dressing room?

Nasty rumor. Don't believe it.

80. What is your cancellation policy?

We completely understand that sometimes our client's plans change-- in ways that are often beyond their control. Nevertheless, FTM would go out of business if we didn't ask our clients to accept some responsibility for the cancellation of their contract with us-- especially since we begin working on an event almost as soon as the contract is signed. When you cancel, we not only lose the revenues promised by YOUR company, there's also a good chance that we'll lose out on revenues we would have received from OTHER companies-- the ones we had to turn down because we committed to you. So, here's our policy: Give us two months notice and you don't pay a penny. Give us six weeks notice and you pay 25%. Give us five weeks notice and you pay 50%. Give us four weeks notice and you pay 75%. Anything less than four week's notice is gonna put someone in your organization in a bad mood because you are now responsible for paying our entire fee. NOTE: If we are able to book another client-- at an equivalent rate-- for the date you cancelled, you're off the hook.

81. Should I quit my job?

If you're asking the question, the answer is "yes." Oh, maybe not today, what with that large mortgage you signed up for years ago, that outstanding credit card debt, and your kid's education... but we wouldn't suggest waiting more than two years. Any more than that and you're probably in for the long haul.

82. What kind of breakout sessions can FTM run at our conference?

Depending on which mix of band members we bring with us, we can run the following sessions: 1) Team Development; 2) Creative Thinking; 3) Beyond the Blues Brainstorming; 4) Juggling for People in the Fast Lane; 5) Assumption Busting 101 6) Visionary Planning; 7) Know Time; 8) Face the Music for Intact Work Teams

83. How can I become the lead singer for FTM? An occasional side musician?

Send us a demo tape, photo, resume and your availability.

84. What do you guys think about life after death?

It's all on the CD.

85. How do I enter the FTM Business Blues writing contest?

Send us the lyrics, lead sheet and demo tape of your song, plus a $15 entry fee. NOTE: No lyrics, demo tapes or lead sheets will be returned. The final selection of winners is at the total discretion of FTM. All submissions become the property of FTM. Your chances of winning are unknown at this time. Entering the contest gives you no rights whatsoever. None. Zero. Zippo. Oh sure, you probably have a greater net worth than us, but insofar as this little contest goes, we rule. "What IS the FTM Business Blues Writing Contest?" you might be asking about now. Quite simply, it's our way of encouraging business people to write blues songs. Currently, we're offering prizes in seven categories: 1) Best Blues Song by a Member of Senior Management; 2) Best Blues Song by Someone With No Stock Options; 3) Best Blues Song by Anyone a Year Away From Retiring; 4) Worst Blues Song by a GenX'er 5) Funniest Blues Song by a Baby Boomer; 6) Best Nude Vocalist; and finally, 7) The Last Song We Receive Before the Contest Officially Closes (Which Could Be Just About Any Time At All.) The prizes? Casharoo. Moolah. Dinero. Or more precisely, we'll distribute 50% of whatever revenues we receive in entry fees. The remaining 50% will help pay for a HUGE party-- one to which the Seven Winners will be invited (but definitely not have their expenses paid. No way. Not even close.) If any of the submitted songs tickle our fancy and we choose to record them OR play them at future FTM gigs, WE WILL PAY ROYALTIES. Exactly how much depends on our own curious brand of voodoo economics, so don't think about quitting your day job, OK? Listen up. We believe in the Law of Karma and will NOT steal your song. But please, do not think about suing us. It's a waste of time. We're just not that big. It won't be worth it, believe us. And even if we get big enough one day to be worth suing, there's no way in John Lee Hooker's name that you can win in court because by agreeing to enter your song in the FTM Blues Writing Contest you have hereby and forthwith and henceforward waived just about every right any one has ever had except the right to floss once a day, watch Seinfeld reruns and carry on behind closed doors.

86. How did Robert Johnson really die?

He was poisoned by a jealous bartender.

87. Who hired FTM for the first time?

Deborah Gordon Bernstein, former Manager of GE Crotonville's Management Development Center. God Bless, Deborah! She took a risk, trusted us and forever enshrined in the FTM Hall of fame. (By the way, we DO have a few openings in the FTM Hall of Fame in the following categories: First Extended European Tour, Highest Paying Gig, Best PR, Coolest Use of the Internet, Largest Audience, Most Musically Savvy Conference Planner, and Best Five Star Hotel Accommodations.

88. What is the "Beyond the Blues" module at an FTM gig?

After participants have vented by writing and singing the blues with us, we direct people's attention to the bottom of their chairs. There, taped or wedged to the underside of each seat is a small, laminated card with some pithy "words of wisdom" quoted from a recognizable cultural icon. We ask everyone to read their quote, reflect on its meaning and, if the message speaks to them, to get on what we affectionately call "the blues conga line." The FTM band starts playing a classic blues groove that gets people in the "oh hell, why not take a risk?" mood, while also serving as the perfect musical accompaniment for each person on line-- in succession-- to come center stage and sing their "beyond the blues" quote for all to hear. The song that subsequently forms is the just-in-time juxtaposition of a selection of life affirming wisdom quotes. The result? An inspired, timeless, enlightened (sung) message of what it takes for human beings to face the music and go beyond their business blues. As the song is being sung, our transcribers take careful notes and, within a few hours, distribute the lyrics to all attendees. In addition, everyone gets to keep their "beyond the blues" quote card which ---? being credit card sized-- just happens to fit nicely in a wallet (and, not surprisingly includes our web site address and 800 number).

89. Do you actually think anyone is going to read all of these FAQs??

Yes. Like you, for example. Unless you bail out on the next ten questions-- the answers to which may reveal the secret of life, help you become extremely rich, and/or find out how to win fabulous prizes.

90. How do I get copies of the articles written about FTM in Fast Company and the Woodstock Times?

Virtually? Click here. For hard copies, email your request to: info@FaceTheMusicBlues.com.

91. How can I get a hard copy of your brochure?

Ask and it shall be mailed.

92. Did you hear the one about the Priest, the Rabbi and the blues drummer?

Yes, but we can't remember the punch line.

93. Who originally came up with the word "blues."

Believe it or not, it was Washington Irving

94. What's Deaf Lemon Meringue's favorite dessert?

It's not as obvious as you may think. If you absolutely must know, log onto DeafLemonMeringueFavoriteDessert.com

95. What's your favorite description about the scope of bluesworthy topics?

It's from Willie Dixon. "You can sing the blues about anything. In the morning you can sing the blues because you're woman done left you. And at night you sing them because she came home."

96. What living Perfect Masters do you recommend?

Maharaji and Gurumayi. (Blind Willy Nilly and Deaf Lemon Meringue are students of Maharaji. South Bend Slim is a student of GuruMayi.)

97. What have past participants said about FTM events?

"Great music." "An extraordinary event." "Terrific way to get people out of the box." "Cool." "What a gas." "Wow.""Best conference event I ever experienced." "I didn't think it could be done." "You turned a roomful of analytic executives into raving blues singers for a night." "We should do this at least once a year." "Refreshing." "Smashing success!" "Fun."

98. How can I tithe 10% of my income to FTM and get a tax deduction?

First, tithe the 10%. Then pray for guidance about the tax deduction. If no guidance comes, send another 10% and pray some more.

99. Are you guys for real?

Yes.

100. What is the purpose of life?

What do you mean by the word "is?"

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