Lyrics to "The Buzz Word Blues"

I learned me a brand-new language of the Corporate gals and guys, A buncha acronyms and tag words that comprise the smart replies, They be talkin' pretty funny, got a jargon you might miss, Like a crazy foreign language, and it goes something like this: My ROI is A-OK, net solutions-yeah they're me, Routine selection decisions, output analysis by 3. Management by objectives to improve adverse results, And the situation appraisal will prove they're not my fault. I'm a results-oriented team player, 360 all the way, My performance matrix is on the wall; it's my ticket to the play. My career is vertically mobile, if you see her tell my wife, In a hostile takeover call on me, we'll merge, you bet your life. I've got an impede-ment in productivity; boundaries are hard and strong, Though I've got e-commerce proclivity, my to-do list is way too long, I'm calling a workout session to get us back up to speed, Maybe some global solution selling will get the promotion that I need, My IPO's got too much variance, cash flow's on the floor, They say "Don't manage your size, son, leverage it," drive those systems out the door. My CFO moved to R&D, and I was DOA JIT, My Severity One wiped my global team, And I clicked on my Nav bar and let out a scream, My power management solution, was a victim of Y2K, And innovative engineering caused my desktop to wash away. I learned me a brand-new language of the Corporate gals and guys, A buncha acronyms and tag words that comprise the smart replies, We be talkin' pretty funny, got a jargon book this thick, If you wanna hop on this gravy train you better learn it mighty quick: Management by objectives will improve adverse results, And the situation appraisal will prove they're not my fault. My ROI is A-OK, net solutions-yeah they're me, but If you're asking me what I do for kicks? it's a bona fide mystery